Last week, during a peaceful moment involving watching the laundry blow dry on the line and drinking tea, I had a neat thought for a post. And then the power source for my computer died, I continued to struggle with a malingering virus, and my family prepped for a trip to London (a trip that never ended up happening). It wasn’t my best week.
A new week begins today and here I am feeling somewhat less than excited about writing for this blog. Why is that? In spite of the post to come (on house magic, as I’ve termed it), I just haven’t been feeling…. magical. My daily practice has slipped. At first I took some time off because my sinuses were so blocked and my energy so low that sitting meditation seemed like a lost cause. Then I never really got better and I seemed to function at about 65% all of the time and I kept thinking, ‘I’m almost on the mend, I’ll just wait.’ The problem is that witchcraft, magic, even regular ol’ devotion requires energy. I can go through the motions – and sometimes that’s helpful – but it’s energy that powers the work. I think this is true of most things. How often are we powering through our work, our art, our workouts, our chores? While that can get tasks done, it doesn’t foster much, if any, ‘juice’ – any connection, anything deeply satisfying.
An interesting topic to write about would be the idea of grace in witchcraft. I believe that grace exists. Sometimes it ‘descends’ without merit, or work, or warning. But most of the time we’re met we’re at. Like any relationship, I must put in the effort to reap connection.* What is the point of a relationship, or a spiritual practice, if there is no connection?
While I may be able to chalk up my all-too-often sicknesses to several legitimate factors (living in a damp climate, not getting enough quality sleep due to having a nursing infant, and having a small child who brings every bug home from school), I admit that I engage in more ‘victim’ thinking around this than I wish I did. What am I doing wrong? Should I be learning something from this? Why now? Why me? I fret that I’ll have nothing of interest to write about. I fret that life and opportunity will pass me by. I’ve been neither too sick to not care, but not well enough to do anything about it. Oh, woe is me.
I have learned stuff from being ill so much lately. I’ve gained more compassion for those people who struggle with chronic illness. My colds and illnesses are not on the same level of debilitation, but I think any time compassion grows it’s a good thing. I learn to let go of more – less attachment to outcome, another good thing. And I’ve realized that if I’m not up for Magic with a capital M, then I must find more mundane magic. I must find ways to seek out connection with Life Force (the Gods, Energy, etc, as you will) where I am and how I am.
Which leads me to the next post.
*Just a note to say that ‘putting in the effort’ is not meant to imply some kind of ‘faith or grace by works’ notion. The ideas of grace here bear little resemblance to a Christian, mainly Calvinist, understanding of grace and faith.