It’s an astrological bonanza right now. I don’t know much about astrology, and I tend to be rather agnostic about it. As in most things, if I find some truth, or my experience lines up, I’ll take it; if not, I won’t. For example, I find that full moons make me buzz and jittery, and my head often gets scattered. Whereas the dark moon draws me inward, helps me feel focused, but even more like a homebody than usual. This seems to match up with people I’ve known who work in law enforcement, mental health, and the hospital: full moons cause a rise in erratic behaviour; fully pregnant ladies are also more likely to go into labor on the full moon.
Apparently, the last 24 hours have seen a lunar eclipse and full moon. Of course, I haven’t been able to see it, because of the clouds here. I used the moon last night to do a bunch of tarot work. I did several readings: one about a relationship, one about my year ahead, and one more….. which now I can’t remember. Over my girls’ weekend last week I gave four tarot readings, and I had a similar experience then to what I experienced last night: I felt like I gave competent readings and things made sense, but at the same time as if I didn’t know what the heck I was talking about.
That feeling reminded me of being graduate school: all this information going in, ideas spinning, new thoughts formulating… I knew more than ever, yet the knowledge was percolating, not yet ready for service. I think my decks and all the growing I’m doing is having a similar effect. And so I made kala around that, and in preparation for my day ahead.
The Transit of Venus is a rare-ish astronomical phenomenon where Venus crosses in front of the sun. Several friends of mine are more knowledgeable about the astrological importance of this event than I am, so I’ve listened to what they had to say. I have taken this occurence as an opportunity to meditate on the Red Goddess and to focus on bringing more love and beauty into my life. I have half a dozen red roses on the altar, some new rose oil for anointing (thank you, R, excellent timing!), some dark chocolate pomegranate seeds for offerings. I hope to forge a new relationship and to anchor the energy of love and beauty, of this astrological event in my life.
As I was thinking ahead to this ritual (which may be elaborate or may be bare bones, depending on the children) and sitting in meditation last night, I was overwhelmed with despair: despair of ever quitting the constant chatter inside my head, despair of ever forging meaningful relationship with the spirits and gods, despair that I’m making this all up and I’m courting nonsense. But I know that I’m not. I’ve had one too many glimpses. I’ve had a few experiences of silence in my own head. I know it’s possible. And maybe this is like my grad school experience as well. Maybe I’m on the cusp of something new, so what is old feels like it’s no longer working. I sure hope so.
So, I made kala around all that too. All that was the inner kala.
Today I spent three and half hours making outer kala. On top of the full moon and the transit of Venus, today is my birthday. A good friend and I went to an all-women Korean bath house/spa, and it was amazing. When I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, I used to go to a Japanese bath house. I tried to go monthly, like a mikvah, the Jewish version of ritual bathing. I find the bathhouse liberating and purifying, for the body and the soul. Not only did I get some quality lady time, I feel clear and clean and ready to meet the Red Goddess.
…After we eat my home-made Mexican food and watch the basketball game.